It brings me some sadness to inform the small group of loyal readers that I will be suspending this blog indefinitely. When I started this I did not know how it would develop and I stumbled along the way. Eventually it became an outlet for me to document my progress toward reaching goals, choosing new goals, telling stories from my life, and seeing how they relate to popular movies.

I tried to entertain in the best way I could by being honest and as much as possible- relatable.

Unfortunately, the greatest happiness I derived from this blog was reporting about my progress toward my goals and currently I am amidst a setback in that regard.

I can still write about other aspects of my life but it feels stale and repetitive.

I have to live this but you don’t need to read it. I can only imagine how boring it seems.

I CAN report that I am no longer talking to the “crazy” girl and am pursuing another girl. But I fear that this will lead to similiar blog prose. So until I can get back on track toward my primary goals this is me signing out.

HOWEVER… I encourage everyone to stay active on Twitter.

Twitter is one big party. Texting may be private but @replies on twitter are for when you’re speaking to someone at a party but don’t mind if others overhear and chime in.

Our lives our getting more complicated and our responsibilities take over a greater percentage of our leisure time. But the great thing about the internet, social networking, and smartphones, is the platform and ease at which to reach out to friends. This is comforting.

I encourage everyone to not shun social networks because they are nostalgic for some time period that they don’t remember. Instead embrace it for the way we can maintain friendships that otherwise would have felt distant and eventually forgotten.

In 1900 if you got married and I moved to Maryland then one of us would get smallpox and that would be the fuckin end of it.

I loved trying to open up, practicing writing, and making jokes. And for the few people that commented- I did appreciate it!  If I relaunch or reactivate I hope to be more focused thenatically while remembering what you all did or did not enjoy about this blog. (More memes).

Still growing older but not up.

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This is a short post written from my phone. It’s basically my apology for being so melodramatic on my twitter account. I went over my MRI with my doctor and he told me I should be able to golf in a brace in 2-3 weeks and resume other sports in a brace in 4-6 weeks. So its good news really.

Absolutely nothing like poor Lance Harbor in Varsity Blues.

Now for a bitching rant. Hey Washington DC assholes! The handicap elevator is reserved for handicapped people. Hey Washington DC assholes! The handicap seats on metro are reserved for handicapped people. Hey assholes! If my leg is in a full immobilizing brace then that means I can’t bend my knee, please don’t deliberately kick me! Walk around. And fat assholes, make a goddamn adjustment to your walking trajectory so that you do not collide with my goddamn leg while I am standing still!

Commuters in this town move quickly and have very little patience with tourists standing on the left side of the escalator. I get that. But don’t fucking run into someone because you are too impatient to br courteous to others.

Unless you are hot.🙂

I have to write tonight. I know its late. I know I have drank several scotch and waters while watching The New Girl on fox. But I just concluded one of the longest, most maddening, text conversations of my life. And I decided… while feeling the effects of Johnny Walker Red… that I need an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind service- but for my phone (and email and facebook).

I mean that I really wish that instead of writing this blog post I could hit a button and while I sleep someone will come into my house. Take this girls phone number. Call AT& T and block her number. Delete her number. Delete her texts. Block her on facebool. Maybe even delete my account (I’m sure I would end up re-friending). And block her email.

Basically make it as inconvenient as possible for her or I to get in touch with each other. FUCK. As I typed that sentence I got a “goodnight!!??!!??” text because I guess I ignored the last. I responded. Why aren’t you guys assembling venture capital to get our Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless iPhone service off the ground!? I need you. Help me @jack40s. You’re my only hope.

Sorry. I just got sidetracked. What was I saying?

Anyway. It’s been a while you guys! I have been jotting down notes that I was hoping would lead to blog posts. But most of them make no sense or really do not work for the theme of this blog.

Examples include:

“Why aren’t there moon bounces at the bottom of elevator shafts in case of an accident?”

“Who’s in charge of regulating water park slide designs?”

Apparently I wrote down some relevant notes though. “Texting with crazy girl [sic] requires liberal use of the backspace key”

“You will need final drafts not first drafts”

And apparently a videogame reference:

“I feel like I am stuck on petty drama level. And until I learn how to beat the drama boss I can’t move on to the next level (mo money mo problems level followed by adult life, choices, and consequences level).”

I should probably catch you up on what is happening that has lead to all of this. I am sort of dating/talking to a girl that I ran into on st. pattys day. She’s insane.

She’s the kind of girl that freaks out if a picture shows up on facebook without her authorization. For example a picture slightly less sexy than this really infuriated her. Replace Narith obvi.

She doesn’t want anyone to know she’s seeing me unless she’s the one that tells them. And then it will only be a half-truth at best. She acts one way in public and then goes crazy when people comment on it. And that’s all fine. Not ideal. Definitely not girlfriend material. But the problem I have with her came in this last set of exchanges.

“Based on what we talked before I just don’t want to screw you over, in any way. I like you”

and then later

“I know I like you and that I don’t want to start really liking you. Specially now!”

I replied “You are going to screw me over by not being honest with me. Not by liking me too much”

And that really is the crux of this situation and a lot of previous situations in my life. Girls screw a lot of guys over because they’re never truly honest. And I mean way too many half-truths. Just tell me I don’t want to really like you because I dont want a boyfriend. Hell. I literally said that to her only I said girlfriend.

I said I don’t want a girlfriend. Which means what we are doing will ideally not lead to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So how is any of this a problem? She wants to have her cake and eat it to.

She wants me but she wants others to think shes not. She wants me to be all about her but doesn’t want a relationship. She doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want me to say I don’t want a relationship.

I feel like there could be rich case studies if any sort of Dr. Will Smith Hitch Love Phd wanted to sort through this string of text messages. Or atleast a couple of episodes of a mediocre sitcom.

Also I hurt my knee. If I get around to writing within the next 3 weeks…. It will probably be me comparing my life to either Just Wright or Varsity Blues.

I am in a bit of a quandary. I think there are 2 girls that are interested in me (good problems?). These girls know and hate each other. Well, it might not be reciprocal hatred but atleast one hates the other. They both could potentially be crazy. I know that word gets thrown around about girls but since I have not seen any specific examples I will simply use the broad term of crazy.

So if I have not seen any specific examples of ‘craziness’ why would I make this assumption? Well every single person I have talked to has warned me about one of the girls (including herself… but isn’t self-awareness a symptom of sanity, not insanity? ahh- the philosophy of dating…. tricky). And the other girl has been given Switzerland reviews (the jury is neutral). However, she does have a weird habit of winking at me. And not in a self-confident Vince Vaughn way. Nor is it a grapefruit juice in the eye way. More of a deliberate, drawn out wink. I haven’t noticed if she does this to everyone else. It’s the single strangest flirtatious gesture I have ever seen. And I am oddly attracted to it. But that may be unique to me.

And so we begin the spring character arc of the movie that is my life. And I intend to entertain my audience. We all know how this will end right?

But how will we arrive at the disaster? Ah, thats the unwritten story. So we begin.

“His crush went from exciting to depressing, as if he’d gone from the first blush of infatuation to the terminal nostalgia of a former lover without even the temporary relief of an actual relationship in between.” Lev Grossman in The Magicians.

Thats where I was in blog posts past. All Closer– nothing more than the beginning and end of relationships. Going forward we are going to write a begininng, middle, and end.

I’m certainly not optimistic about how spring will turn out. Mostly because after 26 years I have never learned not to repeat past mistakes.

This is all assuming I don’t get bored. Crazy may be exhausting but it certainly does not produce ennui between the participants. Nobody is bored watching March Madness.

You’re probably wondering why I am going to pursue something with girls such as these. The obvious answer is why not? Honestly, everyone deserves a chance though. I’m attracted to both. As I get to know them better- rather, as they get to know me better, this will sort itself out (OPTIMISM).

I realize this probably sounds like I am proactively attempting to date both. That’s not entirely correct. I haven’t been on a date yet with either. Merely flirting, texts, and back channel communication. So BACK OFF ALRIGHT? And I pray that I don’t actually try that.

Fry: “Everything was going great! Then all out of a sudden, she’s talking about hanging out. Hanging out?! She’s getting way too serious. I’m not a one woman man, Leela.”
Leela: “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.”

WORKING OUT SECTION?

I got tricked by one of your fellow readers (possibly the only one. Hi Jack!) into doing the Go Ruck Challenge. So in addition to my primary goals:

  • Hit an out of the park homerun in softball
  • Do the Patrick Swayze lift from Dirty Dancing without asking/requiring the girl to lose weight first

We will be adding the goal of train and complete the Washington DC Ruck Challenge. If anyone is interested in doing this then I urge you to train with me. And no one should be interested in this because it sounds like an awful no good very bad event. So yeah… sign up soon!

“8-10 HOURS. 15-20 MILES. GOOD LIVIN’.

The GORUCK Challenge is a team event and never a race. Inspired by Special Forces training and led by Green Berets, the Challenge builds teams and solves problems.”

Not mentioned is that you carry a 30lb back pack in addition to water and food etc. But it goes through downtown DC so I will basically see my hometown from a new ridiculously horrible perspective.

Seriously, someone talk me out of this. Throw a party June 15th and demand that I attend. Tweet me @MrMichaelMahn with my e-vite. GET ME OUT OF THIS.

I can’t remember the exact phrasing she used because it was St. Patrick’s day. But my mind translated it to mean “You should stay away from me because I am crazy.” I’m sure I replied with something brilliant. I probably said “oh yeah?” Perfect.

I definitely should have quipped that she should watch out for me because I’m a bad boy. I’m dangerous.

I’ve been writing for five minutes and this post has already gotten out of control. If my life was a movie this scene could play out a number of ways.

In a comedy she would say “you should stay away from me because I’m trouble and crazy” and I’ll say “yeah I don’t want any part of that! Crazy girl…” SMASH CUT to wedding alter.

In a drama she would tell me to stay away and I will find this irresistable and charming. I’ll reply with something suave such as “tell that to all the other guys, I’m not listening to it”. (not my best effort… thankfully it did not play out as a drama) and then instead of smash cut its a fade out to black, white text explaining time has elapsed, and then we would be in the midst of a realistically shitty relationship.

A dramedy would play out differently. I don’t know how it would turn out. I don’t really want to find out either. Gotta live my life like a light-hearted rom-com not some sort of mumblecore movie with realistic dialogue and genuine consequences. EFF that.

TALES FROM THE WEIGHTROOM

So I have been trying to regain strength in my legs and have been focusing extremely hard on knees out and full ROM for squats. That is the context you need.

Went to the weightroom today and watched this meathead overload the squat rack with weight and proceed to do half squats with his knees caving in during every single rep. Before the set he was bragging to his friend that he once maxed out at 450. But this was only 315. So after the set (after I finished cringing and wincing) I said to him “your knees were caving in,” to which he replied “yeah, they do that.”

That’s so perfect. They do that. They suuuuuure do.

Knees cave in.

“His ACL popped!”

“Yeah, they do that.”

THAT DOESN’T MEAN ITS GOOD, BUD! I wasn’t complimenting your knee caving in talents.

So, that’s the last time I speak up in the gym.

“Three days away, no more ballet.” – William Mahn.

I would love to attribute this quote to someone else seeing as how the original context in which it was delivered implied that it was actually an idiom. But I googled it and several other derivations and came up with no similar matches.

At any rate… The saying, which may or may not have been fabricated by my father, suggests that if you stop practicing ballet for three days then good luck trying to perform. The ballerina will have lost the mobility, flexibility, and strength necessary to perform at the pre-break level.

I’ve felt this way ever since that damn ski trip. I took a few days off from squats prior to the trip to be well prepared for the rigors of skiing in the Rockies and then obviously could not lift while out there. As you know, I also took a break from bloggin’ (aka stringin’ together references to movies that somehow relate to sad and inconsequential details of my life… with memes). Well, three days away and no more ballet.

I have struggled to get back into a rhythm writing (example: I just spent 5 minutes typing and retyping rhythm and could not prevent spell-check from underlining it. When I type ‘rythym’ just TELL ME HOW TO SPELL RHYTHM.) I also seem to have lost so much strength in my legs that I worked for weeks to gain.

This was basically a 235 word apology for writing such a boring post last time. It’s not my fault. It’s nature. Oh and I think I was still partially brain-dead from my hangover.

The plan for this week was to go see Friends With Kids and inevitably relate the themes and issues to the current state of my life. But instead I got one of those “Hey Mike…” texts where the girl cancelled an hour before hand. Something about allergies. Like I asked her out on a picnic or something. No worries. Also no reason to begin a text with ‘Hey Mike’. I know my name.

Then I thought about doing a solo-op mission but became self-aware of what I will feel seeing a movie about 2 friends who miss the marriage and babies boat and are jealous that all of their friends have already paired off. Nope. 21 Jump Street makes a heck of a lot more sense right about now. Reliving the glory days. Thats what I want.

So since I have not seen any movies recently to tie together all the threads in my life into one coherent blog post, let’s consult the recent comments section.

Jack says

Don’t sell yourself short on texting. You also came up with the idea of taking pictures of yourself pooping then texting them randomly. That’s pretty cool.

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I don’t do that. Why would someone do that? Seems totally inappropriate. You must have my name spelled wrong in your phone.

It does remind me of something though. You ever get the feeling that there is something else going on around us in which we are totally unaware? By which I mean… are we suppose to send dong pictures to girls we like?

It seems to be a staple of the Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner school of texting.

In a parallel universe a couple ordinary people, me, and Brett Favre will be at a party discussing women and someone will get a girls number and we will debate how to text her. I’ll probably say something like ‘just text her right now. If she likes you then she’ll be ok with it. If she doesn’t then atleast you’ll know quickly’. Whereas Brett Favre will look incredulously at me, grab the phone, put it in his pants, and instagram that shit straight to twitter.

No pictures in this post because we’re keeping this SFW.

I suppose one of the original purposes of this blog was to document how I feel after I eat or drink certain things. Or how it effects my training or health. I think the example I gave was Jagerbombs. This anecdote fits that criteria.

I went to a party Saturday that was a mix of Americans and international people. At one point we were admiring a Brazilian liquor bottle and eventually we gave it a whiff. Smelled like death. Poison! It had a lobster on the label. What does that even mean!? Naturally, this did not prevent me from accepting someone’s offer to make me a cocktail.

So this dude starts muddling lime wedges into ice and then pours the liquor. And pours. And pours. Then he takes one of those 5 pound bags of sugar and just turns it upside down and dumps it. And dumps. And dumps. Not into a vat. Not into a tumbler. But into individual solo ups (not your Red Solo Cup party cups but the smaller cocktail solo cups). Then he muddled/stirred some more.

I watched him pour a bag of granulated sugar into fermented sugar cane liquor and at no point did I think this might be a bad decision.

Long story short, I suffered a fate worse than death on Sunday. A crippling, tormenting, entire day center of my forehead migraine, and non-stop am I going to throw up from the pain of this hangover, or not, feeling.

Not sure where I was going with that. But I will leave with you one piece of advice. Avoid liquors that have pictures of crustaceans on the bottle.

Recently I have a had a friend ask me for advice about how to pursue a guy she is interested in and other general dating/courting/texting advice. Every single time she asks me what to do I want to write back “Just watch He’s Just Not That Into You more,” before realizing that would be a pretty jerkish response.

So instead I just quote the movie.

Still can’t figure out why anyone would solicit advice from me on this subject. Definitely talk to more qualified people.

I mean I can help you text girls or guys but this really should be a sink or swim skill. I will offer advice as a friend but I really should offer a caveat with it. You are talking to someone that thought it was a good idea to text ‘did you have to?’ wait for a response and then text ‘did you have to let it linger.” For absolutely no reason at all.

/did I retread that joke? Couldn’t think of a more blatant example of poor form texting.

Any other liquors you can think of that make you suffer a fate worse than death? Anyone respond to friends entirely in movie titles? “Why won’t he text me?” “He’s just not that into you.” “How’d last night go?” “Failure to launch.”

I’m going to let you savour that without any context.

Jessie says

Also, you really are a SoCal boy trapped in DC. We have sunny warm winters here and lots of nice girls who won’t break your heart.

But then I would be living life 3 hours later in time. You should have timezone envy. Eastern US. Shit gets done before you Cali-folk even turn on Jillian Michaels in the morning. I have lunch al fresco envy though. Ideally South Carolina would stop being ass-backwards and build a viable economy that provides a growing job market. But considering they refuse to take even marginally progressive steps (SUCH AS REMOVING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG FROM THE STATE CAPITAL GROUNDS WHICH WOULD APPEASE THE NAACP SO THEY WOULD LIFT THEIR OFFICIAL BOYCOTT OF SOUTH CAROLINA TOURISM) that probably won’t happen in my lifetime.

Jack says

I don’t think mikes heart is being broken. I think he is just slowly becoming self aware that he is patrick bateman, but instead of huey lewis and the news he loves rom-coms.

I think it’s more like this

I definitely think I’m going to end up as one of those old people that starts to lose it and begins to accidentally reveal to my children and grandchildren the names of foreign women I loved that were not their mother.

Me: “Where’s Katrin?”

Ramsey, Rocco, and Renee: “Who’s Katrin?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Ramsey, Rocco, and Renee: “Your children, dad. Mom’s name is Amy”

Me: “Oh. Forget what I said then.”

Also, apparently, I will be someone that names their children preppy names for girls and bars I worked at for guys. Lucky my fictional fourth child was never born. Because, his name would be ‘Chubby’ (or ‘doctor’ or ‘Two by Four’).

FUN WITH EARLIER POSTS

This may or not become a regular addition to the blog format. I’m going to look back at previous posts and critique/make fun of/figure out what the fuck I was thinking when I wrote the post. Let’s start with my first post. Shall we?

FIRST BLOG POST!!!

That’s a terrible title. Really grabbed your audience’s attention with that one. One exclamation point would not have been enough. Three stands out. However, given the opportunity, I would take Murray’s advice and suggest a fourth exclamation point for emphasis.

As I mention in my profile- this is my attempt to document and keep track of my progress toward a variety of goals in my life. I wanted to maintain some data and information on how I have been improving and how I have felt during the process.

Well this is just not a compelling subject to write about or to read. Let’s think of useful locations to store data. A database. Excel spreadsheet. A note book. A black board. A window pane if you are John Nash… A blog is not a useful database.

When I say improving it could be toward a number of goals, including but not limited to:

  • Weightlifting
  • Golf
  • Performance at work
  • HAHAHHAA KIDDING
  • crap I really don’t have any more goals
  • SETTING MORE GOALS!!!

Note that these are not actually goals but are activities or vague measurements such as performance. Also I show very little grasp at how to effectively use bullet points. Stream of conscience bullet point writing. This could catch on. BLOGGIN’ IN ALL CAPS Y’ALL!!!

If I can update this daily I should have a good amount of information to fall back on. For example if I am really hungover then maybe I can check this and see that I updated the night before with a post that said: “JAGER BOMMMMB POWER SHOTS FTW!!!!!!!111″ and hopefully I will understand that my decisions have consequences.

Update this daily. HAHAHHAHAHAH… So young and ambitious.

This is a terrible first post. it’s fine.

NEW GOAL: find a voice, find an audience.

At least I acknowledged it. Self-aware has got to count for something. This was the first actual goal set. Well done.

;

Last post for a week. Going to Vail. See you next time.

;


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I patiently waited for brown rice to be available at Chipotle and the general manager kindly offered me a free drink and free burrito, tacos, or bowl. Additionally, the burrito bowl I was waiting on was free. I also got a free lunch at the federal conference I was at today. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP MAHNIAC.

Today was the first really, truly, honest to goodness nice day of the year. And not a moment too soon. It felt like resurfacing after being underwater for entirely too long and finally breathing sweet, sweet, oxygen again. Have you ever tried to swim as far as you can without taking a breath? Perhaps from corner to corner of a swimming pool? This winter has felt like trying to accomplish that feat only when you expect to reach the other side its actually another 25 yards. Your muscles begin to spasm and you want to quit.

I know this has been a mild winter without much snow. But damn has it been gray, non-tanktop weather-y, and windy. And DC had snow before Halloween so it has pretty much been non-SUMMAH season since forever.

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(Just realized I fucked up this graph and am not re-doing it. That first trough should be Christmas. Christmas might be crazy but I did not mean to imply that it is depressing/insane. Y’know… unless you have no family. Then I’m sure this is accurate. Ok so… I guess this is winter for people where Christmas blows. Yep. Good. Didn’t have to redo it.)

I wonder why humans have not evolved to hibernate through winter like our bear brethren. I bet if that happened it would be ruined by republicans that would take experimental drugs to stay awake through winter to work so they could have all the money. “Oh you think its unfair that I have this money? Well you could have fought evolution and biology by taking experimental narcotics to excessively work too, hippy!”

I suppose evolution takes a while. Perhaps HG Wells got The Time Machine wrong. Maybe humanity does not evolve into 2 species, one that toils underground, and one that lives above. Instead perhaps one species evolves into bigger, winter sleeping, bear-men, and then other becomes over-worked, thin, year-rounders.

On to something completely different…

Do you know the time period during a talking to/dating/relationship where its no longer acceptable to just stop talking to the person, but you don’t necessarily have to have a formal ‘we need to talk’ break-up session? During this in between time period, apparently it is expected that you send a text or email explaining that you didn’t mean to, but you found someone new. Well I’m real effing sick of that time period. I’ve gotten two of these in the past year.

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When she said ‘if wed been closer’ she means that literally. Fairfax, Virginia was too far away from Arlington, Virginia. I lived in Arlinton. I had a Chick-Fil-A in my apartment building. Some girls find that kind of location HOT.

/no they don’t.

That was last May. Flash forward to this week.

“Mike, I want to tell you something. I know we are not committed to each other, but I think I just have to say it anyway.

Im dating someone. We knew each other already and we met couple of days ago after a long time and we decided to try.

I don’t know if it is going to work but I decided to give myself the chance.

Im just saying it because we were talking about “us” all this time and now its different. I didn’t plan, of course, it just happened.

Obviously, we can always talk but I just wanted to tell you the situation.”

Sentences that begin with “Mike, …” are never good. I totes have a negative Pavlovian response to that ish. I’d rather you just stop talking to me. Instead I have to pull a Tim McGraw and say ‘I’m happy for you’ (given the chance, I’d lie again). Atleast she lives in Sao Paolo, Brazil, which is farther away than Fairfax.

I very much dislike the in between time period where I receive these typed messages.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably thinking “weren’t you learning Portuguese or something stupid? aren’t you capable of conjugating ‘er’, ‘ar’, and a handful of irregular verbs in the present tense? As well as a handful of common expressions that are only useful when talking to Brazilians? I bet that was a waste of time.” Well that’s where you’re wrong, my friend.

I have been invited to my friend’s Brazilian co-workers birthday party (Carnivale theme- not to be confused with Carnival theme). Now I can play the part of a sophisticated individual who is cultured and can speak Brazilian Portuguese in the present tense with a thick redneck Americano accent. Suck it, life.

This post did not feature workouts or romantic comedies. You’re welcome.

Sometimes this blog has a negative cost benefit analysis for me. The work to generate content doesn’t reward me enough. And by reward I, of course, mean flattering twitter replies. “Readable” was a pretty sweet mention though. I need to turn all of these posts into an E-Book so that the back cover will say “This blog is actually becoming readable”.

I really went off the deep end this past week generating custom memes to respond to text messages. It got to the point where I was watching The Princess Bride and any good quote or humorous movie frame either became a meme on my phone or in my mind. Thankfully these will come in handy.

Cheesy response to girls when they ask me to do something? Check.

Good meme to use in case something is funny? Check.

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Should have made that LOLz.

Jessie says

Frankly I’d prefer to be asked out via text. And Time Traveling / Space rom coms are where its at. Cannot wait.

This is why people shouldn’t publish in absolutes. Not everyone will agree on your top 10 things guys should NEVER send in texts. But I guess the polarizing nature of that sort of headline will generate more pageviews than “Top 10 things guys sometimes should not send in texts, in my opinion, unless I actually really like the guy, in which case obviously I don’t really care what he sends, but appreciate that he is thinking about me and maintains open communication”.

Jack says

Just hit 345# on box squats. My ego could not possibly be bigger. Definitely going to ask a girl out via meme ASAP lol.

Awesome job on the squats. Cray Jelly.. I eagerly await the results of your first meme proposal. You are a better man than me. By which I mean worse man than me.

Jessica says (in response to Today Was A Good Day)

This made me sad. However, I maintain that foreign girls do not have enough command of the English language to be sarcastic.

You are probably right about that. But it is refreshing to have conversations that aren’t sarcastic. I think I’m going to try to reduce the sarcasm I use as well. The only girl I want to be sarcastic is Lizzy Caplan. All day, Lizzy! All day.

Jessica also says

Just thought of something else which I’m sure already occurred to you, but if you learn Portuguese you can totally “Love Actually” your dream girl!

You are referring to this gem: “Beautiful Aurelia, I’ve come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person – because I hardly knows you – but sometimes things are so transparency, they don’t need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England. ”

Sounds about right. And the thought not only has crossed my mind but seems to be marching in place in my mind.

Love, Actually is full of grand romantic gestures. For example, if you need to confess your love for your friend’s wife then it’s got a scene for you. If you need to propose to a woman you hardly know in Portuguese- bases are covered. If you need to learn how to make small talk while naked with a stranger- yep, Love, Actually has your back. And if you need to learn the appropriate way to dance alone to pointer sisters, then your boy Hugh Grant will show you the way.

Workout Section

This section will no longer be a log of workouts. I have decided to keep this in a journal. Now it will just be the highlights, lowlights, and stupid gym dialogue.

Today I did 2 reps of deadlifts at 385 which was a PR. But after the second one a trainer, who is actually a nice guy, said to me

trainer: “is it max out day? You had some rounded back but if you can walk then I guess you’re ok”

me: “was it my lower back or upper back?”

trainer: “definitely your upper back, I couldn’t tell about your lower back”

me: “well upper back doesn’t matter.”

Thank you for the pointless observation! Damn it, that’s sarcasm. No thanks for the pointless observation.