I am in a bit of a quandary. I think there are 2 girls that are interested in me (good problems?). These girls know and hate each other. Well, it might not be reciprocal hatred but atleast one hates the other. They both could potentially be crazy. I know that word gets thrown around about girls but since I have not seen any specific examples I will simply use the broad term of crazy.

So if I have not seen any specific examples of ‘craziness’ why would I make this assumption? Well every single person I have talked to has warned me about one of the girls (including herself… but isn’t self-awareness a symptom of sanity, not insanity? ahh- the philosophy of dating…. tricky). And the other girl has been given Switzerland reviews (the jury is neutral). However, she does have a weird habit of winking at me. And not in a self-confident Vince Vaughn way. Nor is it a grapefruit juice in the eye way. More of a deliberate, drawn out wink. I haven’t noticed if she does this to everyone else. It’s the single strangest flirtatious gesture I have ever seen. And I am oddly attracted to it. But that may be unique to me.

And so we begin the spring character arc of the movie that is my life. And I intend to entertain my audience. We all know how this will end right?

But how will we arrive at the disaster? Ah, thats the unwritten story. So we begin.

“His crush went from exciting to depressing, as if he’d gone from the first blush of infatuation to the terminal nostalgia of a former lover without even the temporary relief of an actual relationship in between.” Lev Grossman in The Magicians.

Thats where I was in blog posts past. All Closer– nothing more than the beginning and end of relationships. Going forward we are going to write a begininng, middle, and end.

I’m certainly not optimistic about how spring will turn out. Mostly because after 26 years I have never learned not to repeat past mistakes.

This is all assuming I don’t get bored. Crazy may be exhausting but it certainly does not produce ennui between the participants. Nobody is bored watching March Madness.

You’re probably wondering why I am going to pursue something with girls such as these. The obvious answer is why not? Honestly, everyone deserves a chance though. I’m attracted to both. As I get to know them better- rather, as they get to know me better, this will sort itself out (OPTIMISM).

I realize this probably sounds like I am proactively attempting to date both. That’s not entirely correct. I haven’t been on a date yet with either. Merely flirting, texts, and back channel communication. So BACK OFF ALRIGHT? And I pray that I don’t actually try that.

Fry: “Everything was going great! Then all out of a sudden, she’s talking about hanging out. Hanging out?! She’s getting way too serious. I’m not a one woman man, Leela.”
Leela: “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.”

WORKING OUT SECTION?

I got tricked by one of your fellow readers (possibly the only one. Hi Jack!) into doing the Go Ruck Challenge. So in addition to my primary goals:

  • Hit an out of the park homerun in softball
  • Do the Patrick Swayze lift from Dirty Dancing without asking/requiring the girl to lose weight first

We will be adding the goal of train and complete the Washington DC Ruck Challenge. If anyone is interested in doing this then I urge you to train with me. And no one should be interested in this because it sounds like an awful no good very bad event. So yeah… sign up soon!

“8-10 HOURS. 15-20 MILES. GOOD LIVIN’.

The GORUCK Challenge is a team event and never a race. Inspired by Special Forces training and led by Green Berets, the Challenge builds teams and solves problems.”

Not mentioned is that you carry a 30lb back pack in addition to water and food etc. But it goes through downtown DC so I will basically see my hometown from a new ridiculously horrible perspective.

Seriously, someone talk me out of this. Throw a party June 15th and demand that I attend. Tweet me @MrMichaelMahn with my e-vite. GET ME OUT OF THIS.

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