Archives for posts with tag: dating

I am in a bit of a quandary. I think there are 2 girls that are interested in me (good problems?). These girls know and hate each other. Well, it might not be reciprocal hatred but atleast one hates the other. They both could potentially be crazy. I know that word gets thrown around about girls but since I have not seen any specific examples I will simply use the broad term of crazy.

So if I have not seen any specific examples of ‘craziness’ why would I make this assumption? Well every single person I have talked to has warned me about one of the girls (including herself… but isn’t self-awareness a symptom of sanity, not insanity? ahh- the philosophy of dating…. tricky). And the other girl has been given Switzerland reviews (the jury is neutral). However, she does have a weird habit of winking at me. And not in a self-confident Vince Vaughn way. Nor is it a grapefruit juice in the eye way. More of a deliberate, drawn out wink. I haven’t noticed if she does this to everyone else. It’s the single strangest flirtatious gesture I have ever seen. And I am oddly attracted to it. But that may be unique to me.

And so we begin the spring character arc of the movie that is my life. And I intend to entertain my audience. We all know how this will end right?

But how will we arrive at the disaster? Ah, thats the unwritten story. So we begin.

“His crush went from exciting to depressing, as if he’d gone from the first blush of infatuation to the terminal nostalgia of a former lover without even the temporary relief of an actual relationship in between.” Lev Grossman in The Magicians.

Thats where I was in blog posts past. All Closer– nothing more than the beginning and end of relationships. Going forward we are going to write a begininng, middle, and end.

I’m certainly not optimistic about how spring will turn out. Mostly because after 26 years I have never learned not to repeat past mistakes.

This is all assuming I don’t get bored. Crazy may be exhausting but it certainly does not produce ennui between the participants. Nobody is bored watching March Madness.

You’re probably wondering why I am going to pursue something with girls such as these. The obvious answer is why not? Honestly, everyone deserves a chance though. I’m attracted to both. As I get to know them better- rather, as they get to know me better, this will sort itself out (OPTIMISM).

I realize this probably sounds like I am proactively attempting to date both. That’s not entirely correct. I haven’t been on a date yet with either. Merely flirting, texts, and back channel communication. So BACK OFF ALRIGHT? And I pray that I don’t actually try that.

Fry: “Everything was going great! Then all out of a sudden, she’s talking about hanging out. Hanging out?! She’s getting way too serious. I’m not a one woman man, Leela.”
Leela: “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.”


I got tricked by one of your fellow readers (possibly the only one. Hi Jack!) into doing the Go Ruck Challenge. So in addition to my primary goals:

  • Hit an out of the park homerun in softball
  • Do the Patrick Swayze lift from Dirty Dancing without asking/requiring the girl to lose weight first

We will be adding the goal of train and complete the Washington DC Ruck Challenge. If anyone is interested in doing this then I urge you to train with me. And no one should be interested in this because it sounds like an awful no good very bad event. So yeah… sign up soon!

“8-10 HOURS. 15-20 MILES. GOOD LIVIN’.

The GORUCK Challenge is a team event and never a race. Inspired by Special Forces training and led by Green Berets, the Challenge builds teams and solves problems.”

Not mentioned is that you carry a 30lb back pack in addition to water and food etc. But it goes through downtown DC so I will basically see my hometown from a new ridiculously horrible perspective.

Seriously, someone talk me out of this. Throw a party June 15th and demand that I attend. Tweet me @MrMichaelMahn with my e-vite. GET ME OUT OF THIS.


I suppose one of the original purposes of this blog was to document how I feel after I eat or drink certain things. Or how it effects my training or health. I think the example I gave was Jagerbombs. This anecdote fits that criteria.

I went to a party Saturday that was a mix of Americans and international people. At one point we were admiring a Brazilian liquor bottle and eventually we gave it a whiff. Smelled like death. Poison! It had a lobster on the label. What does that even mean!? Naturally, this did not prevent me from accepting someone’s offer to make me a cocktail.

So this dude starts muddling lime wedges into ice and then pours the liquor. And pours. And pours. Then he takes one of those 5 pound bags of sugar and just turns it upside down and dumps it. And dumps. And dumps. Not into a vat. Not into a tumbler. But into individual solo ups (not your Red Solo Cup party cups but the smaller cocktail solo cups). Then he muddled/stirred some more.

I watched him pour a bag of granulated sugar into fermented sugar cane liquor and at no point did I think this might be a bad decision.

Long story short, I suffered a fate worse than death on Sunday. A crippling, tormenting, entire day center of my forehead migraine, and non-stop am I going to throw up from the pain of this hangover, or not, feeling.

Not sure where I was going with that. But I will leave with you one piece of advice. Avoid liquors that have pictures of crustaceans on the bottle.

Recently I have a had a friend ask me for advice about how to pursue a guy she is interested in and other general dating/courting/texting advice. Every single time she asks me what to do I want to write back “Just watch He’s Just Not That Into You more,” before realizing that would be a pretty jerkish response.

So instead I just quote the movie.

Still can’t figure out why anyone would solicit advice from me on this subject. Definitely talk to more qualified people.

I mean I can help you text girls or guys but this really should be a sink or swim skill. I will offer advice as a friend but I really should offer a caveat with it. You are talking to someone that thought it was a good idea to text ‘did you have to?’ wait for a response and then text ‘did you have to let it linger.” For absolutely no reason at all.

/did I retread that joke? Couldn’t think of a more blatant example of poor form texting.

Any other liquors you can think of that make you suffer a fate worse than death? Anyone respond to friends entirely in movie titles? “Why won’t he text me?” “He’s just not that into you.” “How’d last night go?” “Failure to launch.”


This was an excerpt from a conversation I was having with a friend. I think it is old fashioned to think you have to place a phone call to ask a girl out on a date. 140 years ago did Alexander Graham Bell’s friends tell him he’s not allowed to call a girl to ask her out and instead he has to knock on her door? I bet he wouldn’t invent the telephone if etiquette would not change with the times.

Same thing with texting.

There is no reason that we can’t adapt to changes in everyday technology. I’m not advocating wedding proposals this way (duh, that’s what twitter is for, @girlofmydreams #marry me?)

I think it should be acceptable to open a line of dialogue using texts and one should not fear to ask questions. You won’t be texting DURING the date. It’s just a question.

“How was your day?”

“Busy but not too bad. How was yours?”

“Not bad. Are you busy this week?”

“Only Tuesday. Why?”

“Do you want to go out Thursday?” … Will she just not answer that question?

If she says yes but she secretly hates that you asked her out in a text then just be extra charming during the date. Seems sensible to me.

In an age where 20-somethings no longer have land lines and you are expected to have your phone on you at all times but can be doing absolutely anything (working, shopping, in a meeting, at an appointment, etc) it makes sense to leave a message for simple questions rather than cause an interruption.

Now obviously I don’t think you should go entire relationships without placing a phone call. But I have a feeling we weren’t really meant for each other anyway.

/too pale.

Don’t be this guy. But for all the text-haters, the phone can get you into trouble too.

Hit 245 for 3 sets of 5 back squatting. Not sure if I hit the appropriate depth on my squats. Didn’t eat enough carbs today. By which I mean zero. Ran out of energy by the end. Did 3 sets of 5 bench press at 190. My spotter criticized my technique. I was bouncing the bar off my chest. He asked me why I did this. I told him I have been cheating on bench press since I was 14. I told him I would stop. The next 2 sets were cheat free. Thanks, dude. PR’d on deadlift at 375. Going to have to eat more on deadlift days. I think I’m going to hide these workout logs in the middle of posts from now on. Tricked ya into reading about me lifting light weights! Also did 3×5 pullups with a 20lb dumbbell.

I can’t even remember the last time I asked a girl out over the phone. I have gotten to the point that when I ask for a girl’s number I just say “hope you like text messages!” If she reacts negatively then at least we established that at the beginning.

I think I used to call girls right after I met them (possibly waiting 3 days like in Swingers) but inevitably the call would go to voicemail. Then I would leave a rambling message along the lines of: “Hey (girl) it’s Mike… From (bar on saturday)”

/like she didn’t remember giving her number out. and if she did forget then I should stop hitting on intoxicated women.

“it was, ummm, nice meeting you. So give me a call back when you get this.” I guess that’s not that bad. Though I never really had much success that way. I felt like Frank the Tank from Old School calling his separated wife.

I read this on the UK version of

“The best usage of the post-first-date text is its perceived innocence. Acceptable messages would be: “Hey, I had a great night with you. I can’t wait to do it again,” or, “Just heard someone laugh exactly like that woman we sat next to the other night, except this time she was 60 and had a German accent.” Little tidbits are reminders that you haven’t lost sight of the time you spent together, but avoid formalities that should be settled in person.

Read more:

That makes sense.

Under no circumstances should your post first date text be:

“Did you have to?”

“Did I have to what?”

“Did you have to let it linger.”

Girls don’t get Cranberries humor. Happy New Year! Occupy 2012.