Archives for posts with tag: reader comments

I’m going to let you savour that without any context.

Jessie says

Also, you really are a SoCal boy trapped in DC. We have sunny warm winters here and lots of nice girls who won’t break your heart.

But then I would be living life 3 hours later in time. You should have timezone envy. Eastern US. Shit gets done before you Cali-folk even turn on Jillian Michaels in the morning. I have lunch al fresco envy though. Ideally South Carolina would stop being ass-backwards and build a viable economy that provides a growing job market. But considering they refuse to take even marginally progressive steps (SUCH AS REMOVING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG FROM THE STATE CAPITAL GROUNDS WHICH WOULD APPEASE THE NAACP SO THEY WOULD LIFT THEIR OFFICIAL BOYCOTT OF SOUTH CAROLINA TOURISM) that probably won’t happen in my lifetime.

Jack says

I don’t think mikes heart is being broken. I think he is just slowly becoming self aware that he is patrick bateman, but instead of huey lewis and the news he loves rom-coms.

I think it’s more like this

I definitely think I’m going to end up as one of those old people that starts to lose it and begins to accidentally reveal to my children and grandchildren the names of foreign women I loved that were not their mother.

Me: “Where’s Katrin?”

Ramsey, Rocco, and Renee: “Who’s Katrin?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Ramsey, Rocco, and Renee: “Your children, dad. Mom’s name is Amy”

Me: “Oh. Forget what I said then.”

Also, apparently, I will be someone that names their children preppy names for girls and bars I worked at for guys. Lucky my fictional fourth child was never born. Because, his name would be ‘Chubby’ (or ‘doctor’ or ‘Two by Four’).


This may or not become a regular addition to the blog format. I’m going to look back at previous posts and critique/make fun of/figure out what the fuck I was thinking when I wrote the post. Let’s start with my first post. Shall we?


That’s a terrible title. Really grabbed your audience’s attention with that one. One exclamation point would not have been enough. Three stands out. However, given the opportunity, I would take Murray’s advice and suggest a fourth exclamation point for emphasis.

As I mention in my profile- this is my attempt to document and keep track of my progress toward a variety of goals in my life. I wanted to maintain some data and information on how I have been improving and how I have felt during the process.

Well this is just not a compelling subject to write about or to read. Let’s think of useful locations to store data. A database. Excel spreadsheet. A note book. A black board. A window pane if you are John Nash… A blog is not a useful database.

When I say improving it could be toward a number of goals, including but not limited to:

  • Weightlifting
  • Golf
  • Performance at work
  • crap I really don’t have any more goals

Note that these are not actually goals but are activities or vague measurements such as performance. Also I show very little grasp at how to effectively use bullet points. Stream of conscience bullet point writing. This could catch on. BLOGGIN’ IN ALL CAPS Y’ALL!!!

If I can update this daily I should have a good amount of information to fall back on. For example if I am really hungover then maybe I can check this and see that I updated the night before with a post that said: “JAGER BOMMMMB POWER SHOTS FTW!!!!!!!111″ and hopefully I will understand that my decisions have consequences.

Update this daily. HAHAHHAHAHAH… So young and ambitious.

This is a terrible first post. it’s fine.

NEW GOAL: find a voice, find an audience.

At least I acknowledged it. Self-aware has got to count for something. This was the first actual goal set. Well done.


Last post for a week. Going to Vail. See you next time.



Sometimes this blog has a negative cost benefit analysis for me. The work to generate content doesn’t reward me enough. And by reward I, of course, mean flattering twitter replies. “Readable” was a pretty sweet mention though. I need to turn all of these posts into an E-Book so that the back cover will say “This blog is actually becoming readable”.

I really went off the deep end this past week generating custom memes to respond to text messages. It got to the point where I was watching The Princess Bride and any good quote or humorous movie frame either became a meme on my phone or in my mind. Thankfully these will come in handy.

Cheesy response to girls when they ask me to do something? Check.

Good meme to use in case something is funny? Check.


Should have made that LOLz.

Jessie says

Frankly I’d prefer to be asked out via text. And Time Traveling / Space rom coms are where its at. Cannot wait.

This is why people shouldn’t publish in absolutes. Not everyone will agree on your top 10 things guys should NEVER send in texts. But I guess the polarizing nature of that sort of headline will generate more pageviews than “Top 10 things guys sometimes should not send in texts, in my opinion, unless I actually really like the guy, in which case obviously I don’t really care what he sends, but appreciate that he is thinking about me and maintains open communication”.

Jack says

Just hit 345# on box squats. My ego could not possibly be bigger. Definitely going to ask a girl out via meme ASAP lol.

Awesome job on the squats. Cray Jelly.. I eagerly await the results of your first meme proposal. You are a better man than me. By which I mean worse man than me.

Jessica says (in response to Today Was A Good Day)

This made me sad. However, I maintain that foreign girls do not have enough command of the English language to be sarcastic.

You are probably right about that. But it is refreshing to have conversations that aren’t sarcastic. I think I’m going to try to reduce the sarcasm I use as well. The only girl I want to be sarcastic is Lizzy Caplan. All day, Lizzy! All day.

Jessica also says

Just thought of something else which I’m sure already occurred to you, but if you learn Portuguese you can totally “Love Actually” your dream girl!

You are referring to this gem: “Beautiful Aurelia, I’ve come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person – because I hardly knows you – but sometimes things are so transparency, they don’t need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England. ”

Sounds about right. And the thought not only has crossed my mind but seems to be marching in place in my mind.

Love, Actually is full of grand romantic gestures. For example, if you need to confess your love for your friend’s wife then it’s got a scene for you. If you need to propose to a woman you hardly know in Portuguese- bases are covered. If you need to learn how to make small talk while naked with a stranger- yep, Love, Actually has your back. And if you need to learn the appropriate way to dance alone to pointer sisters, then your boy Hugh Grant will show you the way.

Workout Section

This section will no longer be a log of workouts. I have decided to keep this in a journal. Now it will just be the highlights, lowlights, and stupid gym dialogue.

Today I did 2 reps of deadlifts at 385 which was a PR. But after the second one a trainer, who is actually a nice guy, said to me

trainer: “is it max out day? You had some rounded back but if you can walk then I guess you’re ok”

me: “was it my lower back or upper back?”

trainer: “definitely your upper back, I couldn’t tell about your lower back”

me: “well upper back doesn’t matter.”

Thank you for the pointless observation! Damn it, that’s sarcasm. No thanks for the pointless observation.

Julia Child and Julie Powell – both of whom wrote memoirs – find their lives intertwined. Though separated by time and space, both women are at loose ends… until they discover that with the right combination of passion, fearlessness and butter, anything is possible.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Mahn – both of whom are probably narcissists – find their lives intertwined. Though separated by time and space, both men are at loose ends… until they discover that with the right combination of testosterone, goals, and chalk, anything is possible.

In the movie Julie & Julia, Julie Powell’s character finds herself in a quarter-life rut. She missed writing, enjoyed cooking, and was missing fun and passion in her life. This story line mirrored that of Julia Child’s as she learned French culinary arts. Julie set out on a mission to cook her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking and blog about her troubles and triumphs in cooking and life.

I wouldn’t actually want to take this approach using Arnold Schwarzenegger as my example… lest I end up losing half, and 18 years of child support.

/save your ‘half of what? half of negative money???’ jokes.

But it might be interesting to try to blog my way through a successful weightlifter, powerlifter, or bodybuilder’s book or workout logs. Or maybe its just fun to visualize a movie montage of me failing to poach an egg stick an Olympic snatch, until near the climax when I finally succeed.

Moving on…

Recently I discovered a blogpost from a fellow wordpress writer that had the sensational title  “Texts Guys Just Shouldn’t Send Girls”. It outlines just about everything I actually do.

1. Winky Smiley faces

Ok my smiley faces never wink but come on! Who doesn’t like receiving a smiley face? Have a heart.

4. A 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date request

Not even 3rd!? Things went well the first two times and I can’t text you “whats your level of interest in seeing This Means War friday night?”

5. The word “beautiful” at the end of an obviously mass-text

I don’t really know what that means. Obviously the culprit that inspired #5 doesn’t know that all mass texts should be focused toward one particular name in your phone book. Example: pick out every Katie in your phone and send “Merry Christmas, Katie!” Muah hahah. I’m so stupid.

7. Too many LOLs. (One’s pushing it…Actually-just don’t use LOL at all.)




Hat tip to Jack.

This blog post inspired one of your fellow readers to attempt the holy graille of date proposals. Asking a girl out using an internet meme. I sent him this to help him on his way:


Please don’t ever send that to someone. Ever. Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.

Ok, maybe as like a 45th date request to a girl that you are entirely sure is aware of what memes are, enjoys them, has a reddit account, and checks imgur first thing in the morning. Every morning. Amateurs need not apply. Professionals only.



Reader Karlyn says

1) mike, you are so right about a serious lack of space Rom-coms. Here’s hoping for a brighter 2012 for this genre.
2) practical magic was a great movie. I dont care what anyone else says.
3) happy valentine’s day to all!

I am hopeful for 2012 as well. But I think 2013 is the year we have been waiting for. Check out Timeless. A widower looks to travel back in time to solve a matter with his wife and he learns she has left him her fortune. The only rumored cast member is Liam Hemsworth, but I’m sold.


On sunday I went for a 300 lb squat. I did my first set fine. Made my 5 reps and it was obviously hell. On the second set I only got 4 reps and then racked it. On the 3rd set I went down and did not come back up.

Yesterday I went for 300 again. This time I did 2 reps and got pancaked on the 3rd. It might have been 3 reps and then pancaked on the 4th. I’m not sure. It was hard to think. Then my legs stiffened up and I couldn’t do anymore reps until I dropped the weight down to 225. I did another set at that weight.

Considering I started this blog Dec 17, 2011 and did 3 sets at 225, its not too shabby to be at 300lbs right now. Still.. I need to deload.


Hat tip to @1lilchuc1.

In the last post I jokingly mentioned that I would like to see a romantic comedy set in outer space. For some reason I thought about this A LOT today. Why aren’t there space rom-coms? There are romantic themes in a number of popular, and slightly less popular, science fiction movies. Han Solo and Leia in Star Wars. Trinity and Neo in The Matrix Trilogy. George Clooney and his dead wife in Solaris.

/best not to go any further about solaris.

But romance is not the central theme of these movies. The fantasy genre, on the other hand, has explored the rom-com and dramatic romance genres more thoroughly. Think of Romancing the Stone and Jewel of The Nile, or Stardust.

But why not a science fiction movie where the plot hinges around a “will they or won’t they” plot? Star Wars was essentially a western set in outer space. Could you take some of the formulas, themes, and standard tropes of contemporary rom-coms and port them to an outer space setting? It introduces a number of possibilities. Distance between characters can be expanded to near infinite distances. Time-travel devices can be a #gamechanger in terms of the structure of the story (picture how many times you have seen a movie where one character sees something they shouldn’t have out of context etc. well now you could go back in time… or something). The best friend characters that offer good or bad advice and serve as comedic foils could be alien species with entirely different cultural attitudes.

The rom-com that started it all, Taming of the Shrew by Bill Shakespeare, was penned over 400 years ago and it was about that many years before the contemporary 10 Things I hate About You. Am I going to have to wait 400 more years before Taming of the Shrew in Space?

Speak of the devil and he doth appear. Ding! says

Please rename blog “Born Loser, the Michael Mahn Chronicles.”

When I start getting zero page views I will re-launch with this title. For now though, I will stick with an obscure Jimmy Buffett song title.

Ding! also says

Who says troll besides Charlie Sheen and this dork?

Jack says

Practical Magic was crap, but Overboard looks delightful!

Who references Charlie Sheen besides Charlie Sheen and this dork?

Ummm.. Practical Magic is NOT crap. Overboard IS delightful. Seriuously.. Check it out. Also, are you inciting a flame war?

Nora says

Practical Magic is the best movie ever. I wanted to comment on an old post about the chemical that is released when one falls in love. A more complete relationship is based not just on a chemical that might disappear but on mutual likes and dislikes. If you enjoy body building, it would help to find a girl that does as well. This is why so many cultures that had the parents find a suitable mate worked. Often our parents know us about as well as we know ourselves.

Glad we cleared up that Practical Magic debate. I’m not a bodybuilder, but I do respect the sport. Bodybuilding is a sport where athletes compete by posing and flexing their muscles. They are judged by body fat percent, muscle size, and body symmetry.

Weightlifting is a sport where athletes compete in lifts and their goals are entirely based on lifting heavier and heavier weights.

There is overlap in training methods but ultimately they are different sports. Honestly I don’t do either. I am doing very basic strength training. Table Tennis strength.

As for finding a girl. I did. She’s very far away. But it’s ok. I’m just going to watch Going The Distance everyday till I figure things out.


I have been feeling great lately. I did 3 minutes of a deep squat consecutively yesterday working on my mobility. I also did wall sits. Today I squatted 295 3×5. The last 2 reps I went all jelly legged but fought through it. The bar stopped moving at one point which is never good. I pressed 145. At first I wasn’t focused and actually failed the reps and did push presses. Then I re-focused on technique and kept the bar as close to my nose as possible on the way up and did 3×3. Finished the workout doing power cleans at 135. Again, I wasn’t focused on technique at first and the results were sloppy. But the last set I focused on pointing my elbows out and it was the best 5 cleans I have ever done (3×5).

Power Yoga tomorrow with @1lilchuc1. Holla atcha boy, @blaironeal.

Alright people. We need to talk about something. There are about the same amount of page views as usual but there are not as many comments coming in on each post via wordpress, twitter, facebook, or text messages. I miss my troll readers… They kept things interesting.

Reader Jessie says


I use italics when pasting comments. Italics make emoticons look physically disabled. Honestly, everything is well. Tudo bem.

I’ve been upset for one specific reason but it’s not anything people need to worry about. Other areas of my life are coming together nicely. Instead of dicking around through the rest of my 20s, I am trying applying stress on my mind and body. You already know that I am trying to get physically stronger and more athletic through barbell exercises and mobility workouts. Well, I’m also attempting to teach myself Portuguese. It is the first academic endeavor post undergrad para mim (for me).

There is something I have noticed recently about the internet. Based on your clicking, searching, or viewing patterns, a number of websites attempt to recommend different things. Netflix does this. And my recommended titles frighten me. HAVE I REALLY WATCHED THAT MANY COMEDIES WITH A STRONG FEMALE LEAD?!

IMDB has been pulling this crap on me too. However, it did lead me to discover the movie Just Like Heaven. A lonely landscape architect (Ruffalo) falls for the spirit of beautiful woman (Witherspoon) who used to live in his new apartment. That sounds awesome. Underappreciated genre- that fantasy/scifi rom com genre. Keeps things light. I like that.

Hopefully I can watch enough time-travel, ghost story, space rom coms that Netflix tells me “hey, you should totally check out this rom-com about a Martian that bets his buddy that he can lose a girl within 3 dates but the girl is from Venus and had wished upon a shooting star but that star was actually an intergalactic spaceship capable of influencing the fate of the universe.” It will be called When You Wish Upon A Star.

One can dream, can’t they?


I have been eating well, sleeping well, and not binge drinking as much. I squatted 290 3×5 (PERSONAL RECORD… and 1.5x my body weight) with a belt on. It started out pretty easy but the last 2 reps were brutal. I did bench press too. 195 x3 and then had a spotter help on the next 2 reps. I did 185 x5 without a spotter. And then tried to do 185 again but I think I got help on the 5th rep and then a lot of help on the 6th rep. I feel like my chest is getting weaker.

Finished the workout doing some barbell complexes. This is a form of conditioning. I was inspired by college football’s winter conditioning season. Anyway, it consisted of doing 5 power cleans at 135 and then 5 front squats and then 5 romanian deadlifts- all without putting the bar down. It was my own personal hell. I did 2 sets of that and then did 1 sets of 5 power cleans.

I really want to get two more weight room sessions this week and hit a 300lb squat this week.

About that getting around to write a coherent post that I outlined, is topical, and features nothing about working out… well I didn’t write it.

Reader @1lilchuc1 says

@MrMichaelMahn PR in SQ and DL today. 255x5x3 each. Hoping for a blog shoutout. #fingerscrossed. Most of my followers follow you. #heyguys!!

Slow down He-Man.

Dated Dec. 24 @1lilchuc1 says

@MrMichaelMahn Started last week w 135-squat and 225-DL. Gonna add 10lbs each workout. I should hit failure in ~4weeks

So in 16 days you reached the same workout weight as me in squats? I hate you.

Do you want to take over admin rights to this blog and I’ll just tweet at you?

This served as motivation for me to wake up from my evening nap and go to the gym to squat 260 3×5. Word to the wise- bojangles for lunch has zero nutrition and will give you no energy for a workout. Also it will make you LOOK and FEEL flabby in the gym.

Normally I would rationalize someone lifting the same weight as me in such a short time frame by thinking ‘it’s ok he has short limbs’ or ‘don’t worry, as a percent of total body weight I am stronger’. BUT NO- you probably weigh less than me AND have longer limbs. I hate you.

/really just need a hug.

Also pressed 145 3×3. Romanian dead lifts at 145 3×5. Pullups with a 25lb dumbbell.

That tweet from reader @1lilchuc1 was the best gym motivation since the squatland yard days.

The post that I wanted to write yesterday was going to compare the aristocratic class portrayed in the British TV series Downton Abbey (season one is set right after the Titanic Sunk) and the attitudes of wall street bankers in modern day New York. But I didn’t feel like getting on a soap box to discuss a soap opera.

Besides- that show probably is bullshit regarding how the wealthy would act. I think the moral of what I wanted to say is that if you are upper class then it’s ok for you to show some class.

I don’t segue well.

I need to get in the habit of repeating people’s names upon meeting them. When you say “Hi, I’m (blank)” I should not tune you out and wait for my turn to speak. Instead I should say “Hi, (repeat your name back to you, my name is Michael”. TWICE today I ran into someone I either know or have met and did not know their names. Luckily I texted a friend to say “hey you know (blah)’s friend?” and they knew who I was talking about. But other times I have gone way past the threshhold of time you are allowed to say “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

At the Four Seasons hotel employees are expected to repeat guest’s names three times when greeting them. Example would be “Good morning, Mr. Mahn. How has your stay been Mr. Mahn? If there is anything you need do not hesitate yo ask, my name is (blank), have a good day, Mr. Mahn”. This would be over the top but damn if I would forget people’s names again.

What I’m trying to say is- if I meet you at a party and you say my name and I say “whats up guy?” then you should just tell me your name because I will never ask.