Archives for posts with tag: texting

I suppose one of the original purposes of this blog was to document how I feel after I eat or drink certain things. Or how it effects my training or health. I think the example I gave was Jagerbombs. This anecdote fits that criteria.

I went to a party Saturday that was a mix of Americans and international people. At one point we were admiring a Brazilian liquor bottle and eventually we gave it a whiff. Smelled like death. Poison! It had a lobster on the label. What does that even mean!? Naturally, this did not prevent me from accepting someone’s offer to make me a cocktail.

So this dude starts muddling lime wedges into ice and then pours the liquor. And pours. And pours. Then he takes one of those 5 pound bags of sugar and just turns it upside down and dumps it. And dumps. And dumps. Not into a vat. Not into a tumbler. But into individual solo ups (not your Red Solo Cup party cups but the smaller cocktail solo cups). Then he muddled/stirred some more.

I watched him pour a bag of granulated sugar into fermented sugar cane liquor and at no point did I think this might be a bad decision.

Long story short, I suffered a fate worse than death on Sunday. A crippling, tormenting, entire day center of my forehead migraine, and non-stop am I going to throw up from the pain of this hangover, or not, feeling.

Not sure where I was going with that. But I will leave with you one piece of advice. Avoid liquors that have pictures of crustaceans on the bottle.

Recently I have a had a friend ask me for advice about how to pursue a guy she is interested in and other general dating/courting/texting advice. Every single time she asks me what to do I want to write back “Just watch He’s Just Not That Into You more,” before realizing that would be a pretty jerkish response.

So instead I just quote the movie.

Still can’t figure out why anyone would solicit advice from me on this subject. Definitely talk to more qualified people.

I mean I can help you text girls or guys but this really should be a sink or swim skill. I will offer advice as a friend but I really should offer a caveat with it. You are talking to someone that thought it was a good idea to text ‘did you have to?’ wait for a response and then text ‘did you have to let it linger.” For absolutely no reason at all.

/did I retread that joke? Couldn’t think of a more blatant example of poor form texting.

Any other liquors you can think of that make you suffer a fate worse than death? Anyone respond to friends entirely in movie titles? “Why won’t he text me?” “He’s just not that into you.” “How’d last night go?” “Failure to launch.”


Reader @Schwiggles says

<<- Douchiest tweet and faggiest blogpost of the year award right here.

Its 2012, don’t you know douchebaggery has gone mainstream? Homophobic slurs, on the other hand- NOT SO MUCH.

The only contextually appropriate use for the word ‘fag’ is standing outside a pub in the UK and bumming a smoke (‘mind if I bum a fag?’). Surgeon General says that smoking while you’re drinking ‘doesn’t count’.

Reader @allennatt says

looked back at ur old blogs. u mentioned@girlofmydreams. Apparently ur dream girl has lower back tattoos and whiteytighties

This is in reference to texting and dating.

@girlofmydreams really messed up. NOBODY dreams of lower back tattoos. Just go to the strip club for that. @GIRLOFEVERYDAYATCAMELOTGENTLEMENSCLUB

@allennatt also says

yeah she started a killer online dating site for people who enjoy wearing bandannas and belts with the metal pointy pyramids

This made me think back to middle school when I used to listen to very bad punk rock music. Even back then when I would go to the Vans Warped Tour every summer I felt like I couldn’t pull off the metal pointy pyramids belt look. However, I do think I can pull off whatever hairstyle Leonardo Dicaprio is rocking in his latest movie.

/not ready to watch J. Edgar. That might be too radical of a change for me.

One more post in a row that features allen natt and I’m changing the title of this blog to Shit Allen Natt Says (featuring douchey workout advice).

Speaking of which… Squatted 255 3×5. Felt very unfocused. Benched 195 3×3. Did barbell rows 165 3×5. And I did curls. ITS SATURDAY- TIME TO CATCH A PUMP. If I get around to writing tomorrow it will be a post that is both timely, appropriately outlined, and features absolutely nothing about working out…

Texting has come up a lot in conversation lately and I swear it has nothing to do with me steering the conversation toward this or trying to rationalize my anti-social habits. A girlfriend of mine says she actually prefers texting with her boyfriend because his reading comprehension is better than listening and he retains the information better.

This seems intuitive to me. Some people learn better by reading. Additionally, if someone like that reads the text then they also have time to formulate a relevant response.

Asking people out in texts also came up. Someone said that its easier to say no in text or ignore it or whatever and that if you call and put someone on the spot it is more difficult to say no. That would only work if she doesn’t screen your call. AND EVERYONE SCREENS CALLS. This isn’t a 1980s rom com where everyone is in bed talking on their landlines and have no caller id.

Ideally the best way to ask someone out when you are unsure of what their interest level is would be to ask them out in person.

@LuvLifeCoach now follows me. Good. I’m the Hitch of texting.

/douchey. but thats ok. gone mainstream.


This was an excerpt from a conversation I was having with a friend. I think it is old fashioned to think you have to place a phone call to ask a girl out on a date. 140 years ago did Alexander Graham Bell’s friends tell him he’s not allowed to call a girl to ask her out and instead he has to knock on her door? I bet he wouldn’t invent the telephone if etiquette would not change with the times.

Same thing with texting.

There is no reason that we can’t adapt to changes in everyday technology. I’m not advocating wedding proposals this way (duh, that’s what twitter is for, @girlofmydreams #marry me?)

I think it should be acceptable to open a line of dialogue using texts and one should not fear to ask questions. You won’t be texting DURING the date. It’s just a question.

“How was your day?”

“Busy but not too bad. How was yours?”

“Not bad. Are you busy this week?”

“Only Tuesday. Why?”

“Do you want to go out Thursday?” … Will she just not answer that question?

If she says yes but she secretly hates that you asked her out in a text then just be extra charming during the date. Seems sensible to me.

In an age where 20-somethings no longer have land lines and you are expected to have your phone on you at all times but can be doing absolutely anything (working, shopping, in a meeting, at an appointment, etc) it makes sense to leave a message for simple questions rather than cause an interruption.

Now obviously I don’t think you should go entire relationships without placing a phone call. But I have a feeling we weren’t really meant for each other anyway.

/too pale.

Don’t be this guy. But for all the text-haters, the phone can get you into trouble too.

Hit 245 for 3 sets of 5 back squatting. Not sure if I hit the appropriate depth on my squats. Didn’t eat enough carbs today. By which I mean zero. Ran out of energy by the end. Did 3 sets of 5 bench press at 190. My spotter criticized my technique. I was bouncing the bar off my chest. He asked me why I did this. I told him I have been cheating on bench press since I was 14. I told him I would stop. The next 2 sets were cheat free. Thanks, dude. PR’d on deadlift at 375. Going to have to eat more on deadlift days. I think I’m going to hide these workout logs in the middle of posts from now on. Tricked ya into reading about me lifting light weights! Also did 3×5 pullups with a 20lb dumbbell.

I can’t even remember the last time I asked a girl out over the phone. I have gotten to the point that when I ask for a girl’s number I just say “hope you like text messages!” If she reacts negatively then at least we established that at the beginning.

I think I used to call girls right after I met them (possibly waiting 3 days like in Swingers) but inevitably the call would go to voicemail. Then I would leave a rambling message along the lines of: “Hey (girl) it’s Mike… From (bar on saturday)”

/like she didn’t remember giving her number out. and if she did forget then I should stop hitting on intoxicated women.

“it was, ummm, nice meeting you. So give me a call back when you get this.” I guess that’s not that bad. Though I never really had much success that way. I felt like Frank the Tank from Old School calling his separated wife.

I read this on the UK version of

“The best usage of the post-first-date text is its perceived innocence. Acceptable messages would be: “Hey, I had a great night with you. I can’t wait to do it again,” or, “Just heard someone laugh exactly like that woman we sat next to the other night, except this time she was 60 and had a German accent.” Little tidbits are reminders that you haven’t lost sight of the time you spent together, but avoid formalities that should be settled in person.

Read more:

That makes sense.

Under no circumstances should your post first date text be:

“Did you have to?”

“Did I have to what?”

“Did you have to let it linger.”

Girls don’t get Cranberries humor. Happy New Year! Occupy 2012.